{"product_id":"the-self-that-wants-to-be-alive","title":"The Self That Wants to Be Alive — Seven Essays","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eSeven essays. 58 pages. PDF — delivered the moment you buy it.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA year before these essays begin, I was homeless. By the time they end I have an apartment in Tokyo, a professional boxing licence to chase, and a copy of the \u003cem\u003eCritique of Pure Reason\u003c\/em\u003e I keep failing to finish.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is not a recovery story. It is the record of a person living as two people at once — the self that wants to be alive, and the self that does not — through the year when the first one slowly began to win.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI wrote them while it was happening, not afterwards.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch4\u003eContents\u003c\/h4\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHoneymoon\u003c\/strong\u003e — falling in love with drawing, then boxing, then philosophy, and being dumped by all three.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Infinite Counterargument Guy\u003c\/strong\u003e — the imaginary man who has been grading me since childhood, and who recently moved into ChatGPT.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDamage\u003c\/strong\u003e — one ordinary day, counted out in mental HP.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSplit\u003c\/strong\u003e — on suicidal ideation, and the strangely clean feeling after it passes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEscape\u003c\/strong\u003e — running away from home twice, and what being homeless in Japan actually looks like.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAftermath\u003c\/strong\u003e — why the body stays in emergency mode long after the emergency is over.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOblivion\u003c\/strong\u003e — a video goes viral, a relationship ends, and my father hands me a tomato.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eWritten between 2025 and 2026. Instant download. Nothing ships, and there is nothing to wait for.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"miyama void","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48725533753589,"sku":null,"price":3500.0,"currency_code":"JPY","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0818\/5888\/7925\/files\/cover_the_self_that_wants_to_be_alive.png?v=1787460270","url":"https:\/\/miyamavoid.shop\/products\/the-self-that-wants-to-be-alive","provider":"miyama void","version":"1.0","type":"link"}